Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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