Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
