You're so nebulous sometimes
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
