I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
