We named our party play list daddy issues
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
