Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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