I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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