you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
