I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i will never coherently bang her
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
