i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
