I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
