I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
