Just cropdusted the office
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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