But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
