I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dear god my vagina.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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