This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize