What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
