The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
