Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
we're so committed to being not committed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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