So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
