so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
