The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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