I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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