don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
