just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize