I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
