i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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