Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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