dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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