Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
