I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
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