My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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