Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
