I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
