And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize