now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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