What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
