The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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