so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
