people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
