And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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