so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
