I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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