So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
