I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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