i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
