I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize