So drunk its hurt
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
