We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
