Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize