You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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