We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
