about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
