Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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