Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dick very happy bro
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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