You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had to cum in my sink.
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