"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
