i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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