its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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