you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize