come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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