Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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