Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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