well most of my day revolves around power hour
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
