ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
