Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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