tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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